Heh, jokes aside, what a goated post! Full of story and wisdom, and a fair bit of humor. Your years of writing and living shine through in your ability to teach, even through a blog post. It would be really cool to see what your live halaqa is like!
Solid solid advice here. I'd share this with my dad if I wasn't keeping my substack a secret (for good reason—you surely know the Desi attitude of all things are useless if not directly useful in making you a doctor). But I will share it with friends.
I'd also be really interested in seeing the female version of this post. Might you interest Aunty Moghul (look, I'm using my Desi/Muslim adab!) in mirroring your husband handbook with a wife handbook? I find immense value in both sides of the coin, but particularly in the side I'm not so privy to.
I can say that a man who shows the qualities you've mentioned is attractive, firstly as a friend, and then ofc as a husband. I have an older sister looking for marriage and my marriage-spidy-sense perks up when I meet a guy her age who exhibits such traits. I've become good friends with one of the prospects despite things not working out, which I will always find funny because in looking for suitable prospects for her, I'm gaining big brothers.
Gotta get ready for taraweeh, so I'll cut the chatter here.
Again, jazakumullahukhairan for the work you push out. It's immensely valuable. May Allah swt accept from you and bless your hands and knees (writing and lifting), or your doorknob and hinges, since you are afterall a door!
(Do you have a directory where all of your detailed posts such as this one are listed and are easy to find by topic?)
Salam, thank you so much for these very kind words!
I will say that what I write, and the insights I share (God willing they are of benefit), do not come principally from me or at least not from me in isolation. These come from conversations with, yes, my wife, with friends and family, and even in the halaqa, where I listen to young men ask questions about hard topics--the back-and-forth we have that is so valuable and so meaningful
The point about finding friends with ideal traits, and thinking of them as people you'd love to join your family, that's a beautiful and vital one. A lot of young men I talk to on this topic don't seem to realize that they need very good friends to give them counsel, but of course not just friends their age... they also need older mentors and advisors, who give them perspective and insight that only comes with age and experience
I don't have an easy registry of post by topics (a mental note to do that). Of course, this is only the second installment in the series, but there's also an older series I had in this vein, called "Surviving is Thriving" --
ASA, as an official aunty with young daughters I am really enjoying this series, because inshallah I am trying to raise good wives and mothers who will marry good husbands and fathers.
My comment here is actually about Inpairs and the other Muslim matrimonial services I've seen in the US, like the one featured on the Hulu show. They operate on a monthly subscription model, and I believe this is problematic. The monthly subscription creates a financial incentive to keep customers on the app for as long as possible, just like Tinder and Bumble and Hinge and all the rest of the apps. Doesn't matter how good the intentions are; eventually the profit motive is too powerful for any business.
Traditional matchmaker aunties typically work on a one time payment model, which is much more compatible with the goal of settling down with the right person. Do you know of any services that operate like that?
Uncle said "bruh." Mic dropped.
Heh, jokes aside, what a goated post! Full of story and wisdom, and a fair bit of humor. Your years of writing and living shine through in your ability to teach, even through a blog post. It would be really cool to see what your live halaqa is like!
Solid solid advice here. I'd share this with my dad if I wasn't keeping my substack a secret (for good reason—you surely know the Desi attitude of all things are useless if not directly useful in making you a doctor). But I will share it with friends.
I'd also be really interested in seeing the female version of this post. Might you interest Aunty Moghul (look, I'm using my Desi/Muslim adab!) in mirroring your husband handbook with a wife handbook? I find immense value in both sides of the coin, but particularly in the side I'm not so privy to.
I can say that a man who shows the qualities you've mentioned is attractive, firstly as a friend, and then ofc as a husband. I have an older sister looking for marriage and my marriage-spidy-sense perks up when I meet a guy her age who exhibits such traits. I've become good friends with one of the prospects despite things not working out, which I will always find funny because in looking for suitable prospects for her, I'm gaining big brothers.
Gotta get ready for taraweeh, so I'll cut the chatter here.
Again, jazakumullahukhairan for the work you push out. It's immensely valuable. May Allah swt accept from you and bless your hands and knees (writing and lifting), or your doorknob and hinges, since you are afterall a door!
(Do you have a directory where all of your detailed posts such as this one are listed and are easy to find by topic?)
Salam, thank you so much for these very kind words!
I will say that what I write, and the insights I share (God willing they are of benefit), do not come principally from me or at least not from me in isolation. These come from conversations with, yes, my wife, with friends and family, and even in the halaqa, where I listen to young men ask questions about hard topics--the back-and-forth we have that is so valuable and so meaningful
The point about finding friends with ideal traits, and thinking of them as people you'd love to join your family, that's a beautiful and vital one. A lot of young men I talk to on this topic don't seem to realize that they need very good friends to give them counsel, but of course not just friends their age... they also need older mentors and advisors, who give them perspective and insight that only comes with age and experience
I don't have an easy registry of post by topics (a mental note to do that). Of course, this is only the second installment in the series, but there's also an older series I had in this vein, called "Surviving is Thriving" --
https://haroonmoghul.substack.com/p/surviving-is-thriving-1
https://haroonmoghul.substack.com/p/surviving-is-thriving-2
https://haroonmoghul.substack.com/p/surviving-is-thriving-3
I'm working on a book that integrates and expands on these ideas but, of course, that's some months away, inshallah
May Allah keep you and your family in His mercy
ASA, as an official aunty with young daughters I am really enjoying this series, because inshallah I am trying to raise good wives and mothers who will marry good husbands and fathers.
My comment here is actually about Inpairs and the other Muslim matrimonial services I've seen in the US, like the one featured on the Hulu show. They operate on a monthly subscription model, and I believe this is problematic. The monthly subscription creates a financial incentive to keep customers on the app for as long as possible, just like Tinder and Bumble and Hinge and all the rest of the apps. Doesn't matter how good the intentions are; eventually the profit motive is too powerful for any business.
Traditional matchmaker aunties typically work on a one time payment model, which is much more compatible with the goal of settling down with the right person. Do you know of any services that operate like that?
جزاك الله خير for sharing! Super insightful.