By far the most desirable quality for a Muslim man, or any man, to increase their market value in the marriage market, is to make as much money as possible. Everything else is a distant second. Physical attractiveness is mostly genetic, but can be improved via fitness and grooming. The third is personality, which is generally something people attain during formative years or not at all. The fourth is piety and religion. The fifth is sexual prowess, but I'll keeo it rated-G here. If the man has all five, he doesn't have to worry about his laundry. If he is lacking in more than one of these areas, then he will probably need some Tide pods.
So I have a lot of thoughts here, but I'll try to break them down into their core points
While you're absolutely right about income, I don't think that's what I'm trying to argue for a number of different reasons
First, in my community at least, and the ones I am a part of, about all we talk about is education as a route to income and stability (that's not a bad thing). However, a lot more matters to a healthy marriage, and that part generally goes unspoken. Why's that matter?
Second, a lot more women are financially independent. For a guy to be appealing, he has to offer more than just a salary. If he's uninspired, unhelpful, unappealing, or socially clueless, that's not working in his favor
Third, even more women are surpassing men in education and accomplishment. If a man of means wants a wife who helps him in his social and class circle, he wants a wife who has certain social and cultural capital, but why would she in turn want him?
Is he an appealing candidate for marriage?
Fourth, beyond the question of income, most of our community isn't wealthy, and a lot of folks don't really pursue income or class exclusively -- of course, that may not be everyone or even a plurality, but I am trying to speak to underlying questions of masculinity
Fifth, we live in an exceedingly volatile climate -- while a lot of South Asian Muslims continue to invest in medical careers, it's not clear how AI and the corporatization of medicine will affect their salaries and professional prospects down the road
There's a strong likelihood education in a single career track won't be worth what it was worth even ten years ago, not to mention the added pressure on Muslims in college and professional spaces in an America more structurally anti-Muslim (we can already see the damage being done to some prominent Muslims in college)
Sixth, given this volatility, and the natural turbulence of life, one cannot rely on income, status or "meritocracy" (ahem) to ride through what's coming. Men need a certain level of competence, confidence and, most importantly, character, which I don't think we spend as much time investing in (or even thinking about)
Seventh, we have a generation that's finding it harder to meet people, where norms are in flux, and where opportunities to get to know each other aren't so frequent. I know plenty of incredibly accomplished men who not only can't find wives, but don't know how to go about finding wives, and are now well into their thirties
There's a larger crisis of socialization; some of that can be addressed by individual effort, but a lot of it has to do with larger forces at work -- still, communally, if we want our Muslim communities to grow, well, we'll have to think about this. So your points are valid, but I think the frameworks we've relied on clearly aren't working
By far the most desirable quality for a Muslim man, or any man, to increase their market value in the marriage market, is to make as much money as possible. Everything else is a distant second. Physical attractiveness is mostly genetic, but can be improved via fitness and grooming. The third is personality, which is generally something people attain during formative years or not at all. The fourth is piety and religion. The fifth is sexual prowess, but I'll keeo it rated-G here. If the man has all five, he doesn't have to worry about his laundry. If he is lacking in more than one of these areas, then he will probably need some Tide pods.
So I have a lot of thoughts here, but I'll try to break them down into their core points
While you're absolutely right about income, I don't think that's what I'm trying to argue for a number of different reasons
First, in my community at least, and the ones I am a part of, about all we talk about is education as a route to income and stability (that's not a bad thing). However, a lot more matters to a healthy marriage, and that part generally goes unspoken. Why's that matter?
Second, a lot more women are financially independent. For a guy to be appealing, he has to offer more than just a salary. If he's uninspired, unhelpful, unappealing, or socially clueless, that's not working in his favor
Third, even more women are surpassing men in education and accomplishment. If a man of means wants a wife who helps him in his social and class circle, he wants a wife who has certain social and cultural capital, but why would she in turn want him?
Is he an appealing candidate for marriage?
Fourth, beyond the question of income, most of our community isn't wealthy, and a lot of folks don't really pursue income or class exclusively -- of course, that may not be everyone or even a plurality, but I am trying to speak to underlying questions of masculinity
Fifth, we live in an exceedingly volatile climate -- while a lot of South Asian Muslims continue to invest in medical careers, it's not clear how AI and the corporatization of medicine will affect their salaries and professional prospects down the road
There's a strong likelihood education in a single career track won't be worth what it was worth even ten years ago, not to mention the added pressure on Muslims in college and professional spaces in an America more structurally anti-Muslim (we can already see the damage being done to some prominent Muslims in college)
Sixth, given this volatility, and the natural turbulence of life, one cannot rely on income, status or "meritocracy" (ahem) to ride through what's coming. Men need a certain level of competence, confidence and, most importantly, character, which I don't think we spend as much time investing in (or even thinking about)
Seventh, we have a generation that's finding it harder to meet people, where norms are in flux, and where opportunities to get to know each other aren't so frequent. I know plenty of incredibly accomplished men who not only can't find wives, but don't know how to go about finding wives, and are now well into their thirties
There's a larger crisis of socialization; some of that can be addressed by individual effort, but a lot of it has to do with larger forces at work -- still, communally, if we want our Muslim communities to grow, well, we'll have to think about this. So your points are valid, but I think the frameworks we've relied on clearly aren't working
AI and the diminishing returns of higher education are interesting points you bring up. We'll have to wait on those answers.
On that note too - https://www.vox.com/explain-it-to-me/399280/young-men-dating-struggles-single